Being Thankful

At times I look at Malik and I am truly amazed ! Anyone who knows him can attest 2 him being such a loving, smart, sweet kid. I am in awe of how far Malik has come, alot of daily activities people take for granted Malik would struggle with, so now when Malik does anything its like he discovered a cure for a dreadful disease, and I become ecstatic! I get this way because I remember there was a time when I couldn't fathom the idea of Malik being able 2 function in any normal daily capacity. A small task like being able 2hold his fork while eating, watching cartoons and laughing appropriately, being able 2walk outside without running n2 the street, being able 2 hold his food down without throwing up, or just being able 2 be around a lot of people and hear different sounds like clapping, talking, and music without his sensors being overloaded. He would really struggle with small things like that and at the time I didn't understand it! I was very ignorant about Autism and I along with my family had no clue!
I can recall one particular evening when my nephew Buddah stayed over our house. Buddah is 1year older than Malik. So, they may have been about 4 & 3. I guess after becoming frustrated while playing with Malik my nephew came to me as asked "'TeeTee, why Malik don't play right?" I was absolutely stumped I never realized how Autism would effect Malik's social life until that moment. It's an indescribable feeling that comes over u, when u realize as a parent your child will probably not be able 2 compete in any sports, or be able 2 communicate with his peers. I realized then that this Autism thing would impact his life. About this time is when I started praying 2God 2 fix Malik! I prayed and prayed for Malik 2 be so called "normal" and "play right." When my prayers weren't answered I became angry & ashamed. I cried constantly, I mean constantly! I felt betrayed & abandoned by God. At times, I felt as if I were loosing my mind. I kept my feelings locked up inside and expressed them 2no1. Through constant love and support and dialogue with my husband Shawn I regained a foot back n2 reality and started 2 deal with this issue of Autism. I started 2look around and become thankful 4what I did have instead of what I didn't. One nite at home after putting Malik 2bed I asked Shawn If God were 2come and knock on our door and offer us a new so called "normal" Malik, would u take him? He said NO absolutely NOT ! We both agreed if we took the new and improved Malik it would be admitting we didn't want him or that something was wrong with our Malik.
I am Thankful 2 my son Malik 4showing me how 2love unconditionally! and allowing me 2become the best parent and person I can be! Malik is my inspiration! God I'm so THANKFUL!!!!