REGRETS

To feel sorrow or remorse that's how the word "regret" is defined in the dictionary. In my colorful life pre&post Malik there's not alot I feel sorrow or remorse for.
But, if I had 2pick ne thing I regret, it would definitely be me &Shawn's unconscious decision not 2have ne more kids.
I think a family of 5 is perfect! 2parents along w/2boys & a girl! I think when Shawn & I finally wrapped our brains around the fact that our son would have special needs that would always have 2come 1st we just became so engrossed w/Malik & his life 4years I neva considered another child. I cant speak 4Shawn but, another child was neva a priority honestly, it wasnt a consideration. We became sooooo involved w/Malik we were learning, coping, and basically trying 2save our marriage. During those times even a discussion concerning another child probably would have pushed us both over the edge! truth b told I think we all thought my nephew was always going 2b Maliks brother/cousin/guardian/protector! we all are guilty in taking turns reminding buddah of his responsibility. The we I'm speaking of begins w/me, shawn, my brother, my mom and dad.
We constantly expressed w/seriousness &urgency 2buddah how important it was that he always look after his cuz. buddah was often told how some people may treat malik unfairly &possibly take advantage of him & how it was his job 2 not let that happen. Thinking back I realize how unfair that was 4buddah of course if he saw malik being mistreated I had confidence buddah would tell an adult. but ultimately buddah was a child& being malik's keeper was not his job. His job was being a kid.
Now that we've relocated 2Georgia, and its just us. I used 2feel like I cheated Malik. Cheated him out of having the permanent friend, protection &companionship a sibling could bring. This past summer buddah along w/my NY family came 2visit. Malik was initially happy 2c buddah, then it seemed as if he ignored him and played by himself. We were all shocked. A few weeks after every1 returned 2NY I asked Shawn if he thought we should have given Malik a sibling, 2look after him. Shawn said u no how Malik is. Malik likes things his way, Malik has his scheduled tv programs, his family photos all around him, his playstation, he doesn't want 2share that w/anyone. Shawn went on to say Malik and Buddah will always and 4ever have eachother! but, I no Malik is fine he is his own best friend, he has himself ! and he's fine & happy w/that and, when Malik's happy I'm happy! I thought about what Shawn said and I agree. Malik is a well adjusted 14yo kid. He's always participating in extracurricular activities where he gets a chance 2mingle w/his peers. Malik swims, plays soccer and bball, this summer he will take on a whole new activity. He will begin horsebackriding.
I believe everything happens 4a reason & our decision 2not have ne more children may have been so we could give Malik our full attention & love that he would need 2be the best he can be! & knowing that, theres definitely no remorse or sorrow only happiness !